Conceiving a baby should never [ever!] feel like a chore for either the man or the woman. Unfortunately, after trying unsuccessfully to conceive for a long time, the process often begins to turn sour. It always starts out like gang busters over the first several months, but over a period of time the whole activity takes a turn for the worse. Both partners self-confidence’s are lowered and sex along with all its pleasures turns into a dreaded ordeal.
Below are several quotes by people who have experienced difficulties trying to keep the process of conceiving alive and enjoyable. They were found in a babybump.com forum, in a post entitled: Sex not fun.. :(:
“Our newest problem is last night, we were BDing and neither one of us was into it. HOW BAD IS THAT!!! We couldn’t even finish because we knew neither was into it and it just wouldn’t happen.” – claudia_ann [Active BnB Member]
“I have been trying for a little over 2 and a half years and sex does become routine. You need to rediscover the things you loved about sex. As does your partner. ” – KiraLeigh [Active BnB Member]
“i’ve got the same problem right now, our sex life use to be brilliant but this month as we’ve hit our 13month trying we really have hit a brick wall last night neither of us wanted it” – Sparkles237 [Active BnB Member]
“That happened to me and hubby a few days ago. It was not fun..nor romantic..at all. He pretty much was like ‘get on your back’. [...] What happened to the foreplay, the carressing, the touching… making out…?” – PlainBoppli [Active BnB Member]
“I try to reframe myself from boring my husband with baby talk. They are men, and, well, they love the sex, not the work. So, when I predict I’m ovulating, I create comfort for him: I make strawberry with fondue, have a warm water running for him (after he finishes showering, he has more energy) and when he’s in the shower, run to the room and wear sexy clothes for him. [...] you have to find what your man likes and stop looking at the watch/calendar and run to him to tell him your ovulating and start to have sex. We all have it different, but remember ladies, we married these men because they love us, why not make them have fun while we are TTC. Just my 2 cents.” – kcsandoval [Active BnB Member]
The Moodsign can help improve your sex life and chances of conceiving in three ways:
(1) Use the Moodsign color system to give him advance notice:
It’s not a secret that the way a woman’s body functions is a mysterious process to most men. Unlike many female animals that share blatant signals with a potential mate of being ‘in heat’, a man has virtually no way of knowing when the ovulation process is occurring. Even some women have difficulty understanding the female reproductive system, so don’t expect or depend on your man to have any idea what is going on with your body.
When you know or suspect that you are ovulating, don’t make a frantic dash to him saying “hurry, it’s time! – start your engines.” Making love, while hoping to conceive should not be something you ‘have’ to do while in a worried-hurry. It should be calm, relaxing and enjoyable for both partners. The man likely wants to talk about your ovulation process as much as he wants to talk about the latest shoe fashions or hair style trends. Keep the cryptic female plumbing facts to yourself as much as possible. Men are simply wired so differently than women – there isn’t a need or purpose for them to be burdened with all the particulars of ovulating.
Rather than inundating him with when, how and why you may or may not be ovulationing, why not try using the three colors of the Moodsign? What do you have to lose?
Blue, Purple and Pink give him a heads up that it is likely a good time! Note that the Moodsign can be especially helpful if you are using a fertility monitor, such as Clearblue (*).
The Moodsign colors code can operate as follows:
- Blue light on: he knows you are close to ovulating
- Purple light on: he knows you are very close to ovulating
- Pink light on: he knows you are ovulating and the game is on tonight
(2) Use the Moodsign color system to set the mood:
Always make a point of relaxing before having sex. Take time to shed stress from work, traffic, disappointments, etc. Allow yourself the luxury of looking forward to what lays ahead with your partner. Suggestions to insure you are relaxed include: a warm bath, deep breathing exercises, light a few candles, play soft music, enjoy a favorite food or beverage.
Parents.com advises: ”In addition to making time for intercourse that’s not [exclusively] about baby making, make a priority of sexual connection where there’s no endgame.”
Please refer to our previous post on the use of the Moodsign to initiate sex: http://blog.themoodsign.com/how-to-use-to-initiate-sex/
(3) Use the Moodsign game to alleviate sex becoming ‘routine’:
When couples are trying to conceive, it adds stress and pressure to having and enjoying sex. The Moodsign can take the routineness, dullness and pressure out of the act. You cannot expect it to be sexy, new and exciting all the time, but adding the Moodsign to your mix will help you keep things interesting by adding an element of surprise each and every night. The cards allow you to share fantasies and desires that may be difficult to communicate to your partner otherwise.
Your relationship and sex life will flourish while you take advantage of this new and exciting approach to the art of making love and conceiving a child. As Parents.com says: “Don’t be afraid to get lusty!”
Baby and Bump.com: Forum – Sex Not Fun: http://babyandbump.momtastic.com/trying-conceive-1/602766-sex-not-fun.html
Parents.com – Boosting your fertility: Jazz Up Your Baby-Making Sex, Trying to conceive doesn’t have to be boring.: http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/fertility/boost/make-trying-to-get-pregnant-more-fun/
Babycenter.com - How to keep sex smokin’ when trying to conceive: http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-keep-sex-smokin-when-trying-to-conceive_10317251.bc